As I watched the recap of Michael Jackson's memorial on the news I couldn't help but think that he has become bigger than ever in death then he was alive. Michael Jackson was undoubtedly very talented and broke records worldwide but his recent years kept him in the news more for his personal life rather than the amazing music he made.
I remember the first time I saw Thriller, honestly it scared the crap out of me but I couldn't help myself from watching it over and over again. That was my introduction to the phenomenon called Michael Jackson. Although I was never a huge fan, Jackson's music was always around. His songs and dance moves were copied and recopied all around the world. His moonwalk became so popular that every kid wanted to perfect it. He was a legend and there was no argument about it.
Then in the late 90s things changed. He appeared different physically. Tabloids began churning stories about his numerous plastic surgeries and a skin disorder that made his color lighter and lighter. He was criticised and accused for having fondness for children and for inviting them to his house. I always heard and saw these stories with a certain indifference but last week it was revealed that he tried to return to his own childhood by giving underpriviledged children a few moments of joy. He built a massive amusement park so these kids could play for hours without a care in the world. After all that's what a childhood is all about, but for Michael it was different, much different. When other kids were playing with their bikes, Michael was in the recording studio exercising his vocal cords for hours. They blame his father who was extremely ambitious for his sons and when he realized the potential in Michael, he pushed him even harder. I don't know how much truth is in these stories but it all kind of makes sense now. Maybe he was a tortured soul who was looking for genuine love and affection that he never received from his own father. He became a father and a very devoted one indeed. He loved his children immensely and from his daughter's heartfelt speech today, one can conclude that the kids also adored their father.
It is sad to see this superstar gone so soon but I guess when you are sitting on top of the world it kind of gets lonely up there. You seem to leave the people who know you for the person you are behind and acquire a new set of entourage. The difference is that these new so called friends don't have your best interests at heart. They don't know you for you but for what you do and how much money you have. Like Britney and Anna Nicole, Michael Jackson also had many people around him who did whatever he asked them to do as long as he kept their pockets full.
Indeed it is sad and this is my tribute the one and only King of Pop.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
NBA Playoffs
This is a great time of the year when NBA playoffs are going on especially when your favorite team is in it (so far...). I love the Dallas Mavericks and think very strongly that they have a potential to beat any team in the NBA if they wanted to but it seems like the team is having so many issues with injuries, personal problems and an inability to under perform. I want to go back to the year when Mavs made it all the way to the finals only to lose to Miami. In my opinion, that was the death of them. The following year they lost to Golden State in the first round despite having won the most games in the league. Last year they lost again in the first round and this year when their entry into the playoffs was doubtful, they pulled themselves up and had a tremendous run at the end of the regular season. I was so happy that the Mavs were back. Then they went on to beat the Spurs in the first round only to face the Denver Thuggets. I swear this Denver team is dirty and frankly messed up. I actually liked Chauncey Billups when he played for the Pistons but now he's one of the Thugs and what's with the birdman character. Frankly he looks ridiculous!! Throughout this series they have played dirty while Mavs have kept their composure and played with dignity. Game three was the biggest injustice to the Mavs when a corrupt official decided not to call the foul at the end and giving Carmello Anthony an opportunity to make a wide open three. I admit that Mavs can be sloppy but c'mon people give them a break. It seems to me that Mavericks do not get any respect in the league and for that my husband says that they need to win a championship and only then they will be able to shut people up. I know that Denver will win this series but as a fan I want the Mavs to get it together, make any necessary changes and come back next year with a vengence. The fans surely deserve it!!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Economics 101
I don't know about anyone else but I am really getting sick of all the talk about the bad economy. Everyone from news correspondents to wall street experts to the President are projecting gloom and doom for this country. I just wanted to go over some of the things that have put us in this crisis.
First, the sub prime mortgages are responsible for a major chunk of the this mess. So many people opened fake companies and got on this bandwagon in order to make a quick buck and many vulnerable Americans who had the American dream of owning a home with a yard and a white picket fence fell for it. Most of them knew that they did not have the credit score nor the savings to afford a home but clever loan sharks made them believe that they could own a home for next to nothing. I blame these greedy people but hold the buyers equally responsible.
Another reason for this crisis is the American culture of spending. We love to spend the money we don't have. Let's say you have ten credit cards with a combined limit of $100,000. Does that mean that you have $100,000 to spend? NO! That money is not yours. That money comes with a million strings attached because each credit card comes with very high finance charges. If you charge a $2000 TV today and pay the minimum balance every month, that TV can end up costing you more than $10,000 before you can own it and chances are that by the time you finish paying it off it's time to buy a new TV!
My favorite financial advisor Suze Orman does not mince words when she gives financial advice to people and I love her for it. She tells it like it is and does not show mercy. One thing she said that really stuck with me is that, "You do not have savings when you have debt" Most people in America do not consider credit card balance as debt because they continue to pay on it, but any balance on that card is a debt even if you have money in your savings account. She points out that the number one priority of people in these economic times is to pay off your credit card debt.
Finally, we are in this situation because there are many big executives who only thought about fattening their pocket books at the expense of hard working taxpaying people. In my opinion there should be a salary cap for every professional out there. If our President can only make $400,000 a year, is it fair for the CEO of FEDEX to make $9,000,000 in salary and bonuses a year? I would even propose to cap salaries of athletes and movie stars who make ridiculous amounts of money. They say that California is 400 billion dollars in debt. I say that if every actor in Hollywood pooled their money together they can certainly get California out of debt.
My goal is not to preach but to make people aware that we are responsible for getting where we are today and we alone can make small changes to get us out of this situation.
R
First, the sub prime mortgages are responsible for a major chunk of the this mess. So many people opened fake companies and got on this bandwagon in order to make a quick buck and many vulnerable Americans who had the American dream of owning a home with a yard and a white picket fence fell for it. Most of them knew that they did not have the credit score nor the savings to afford a home but clever loan sharks made them believe that they could own a home for next to nothing. I blame these greedy people but hold the buyers equally responsible.
Another reason for this crisis is the American culture of spending. We love to spend the money we don't have. Let's say you have ten credit cards with a combined limit of $100,000. Does that mean that you have $100,000 to spend? NO! That money is not yours. That money comes with a million strings attached because each credit card comes with very high finance charges. If you charge a $2000 TV today and pay the minimum balance every month, that TV can end up costing you more than $10,000 before you can own it and chances are that by the time you finish paying it off it's time to buy a new TV!
My favorite financial advisor Suze Orman does not mince words when she gives financial advice to people and I love her for it. She tells it like it is and does not show mercy. One thing she said that really stuck with me is that, "You do not have savings when you have debt" Most people in America do not consider credit card balance as debt because they continue to pay on it, but any balance on that card is a debt even if you have money in your savings account. She points out that the number one priority of people in these economic times is to pay off your credit card debt.
Finally, we are in this situation because there are many big executives who only thought about fattening their pocket books at the expense of hard working taxpaying people. In my opinion there should be a salary cap for every professional out there. If our President can only make $400,000 a year, is it fair for the CEO of FEDEX to make $9,000,000 in salary and bonuses a year? I would even propose to cap salaries of athletes and movie stars who make ridiculous amounts of money. They say that California is 400 billion dollars in debt. I say that if every actor in Hollywood pooled their money together they can certainly get California out of debt.
My goal is not to preach but to make people aware that we are responsible for getting where we are today and we alone can make small changes to get us out of this situation.
R
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Rise of the Machines
Last night I was watching Oprah who was interviewing actor Dennis Quaid about how his newborn twins nearly died due to a medical mistake. The babies developed some kind of infection few days after they were born and Dennis and his wife took them to Cedar Sinai hospital in Los Angeles. There due to human error they were given an overdose of antibiotics which led the twins to get sick and then treated. Now the babies are happy toddlers. My blog is not about them but it's about the change that was brought in after this error. Cedar Sinai went electronic where every medication has a bar code which is scanned by a handheld scanner which feeds into a computer and only after that the medication is dispensed. All this to avoid human error.
OK so I was touched by this story and I like the fact that change has been put in place but how come we give machines such credibility over humans? After all aren't all machines made by humans? I love something my husband says, "A machine is only as intelligent as the human being who built it." Touche.
Now lets talk about how much the humans who built these machines are dependent on them. For example, cell phones. How many of us carry practically our whole lives in our cell phones? How many of us know five numbers of our family and friends without looking at the contacts on our phone? First it was saving phone numbers on it to save us from memorizing numbers or carrying a bulky diary. Now our music, calendar, alarm, camera and Internet are all on our phones. We would rather lose an arm but God forbid if our phone should get lost. I personally love my cellphone because I can save phone numbers but is that an excuse for not remembering my mom's number? What if I am stranded somewhere and don't have my phone with me. Will my mom ever know if I am dead or alive? Scary thought huh?
Cell phones are genius and texting and email capabilities on them has made life so much easier. We can send and receive texts and emails instantly. No more excuses such as, "I was in the bathroom", because you can take it there too. But I think this texting business has gone too far. Personally I'd like to hear from a loved one when it is my birthday and not get a text that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! in all caps with three exclamation points at the end. Or better yet just send a message on Facebook. Now don't even get me started about that!
However there are many benefits to having machines in our homes and offices. It's time efficient and predictable but machines shouldn't replace human intelligence. God has named us superior beings over all his creatures for a reason after all. I am afraid that dependence on machines have made us complacent and also stupid. We don't see a reason to use our brains when we have calculators, computers and fancy gadgets to help us. The other day I was trying to have a competition among students in my religious education class and asked the kids if anyone had a quarter to flip. One of the students handed me his iPhone which had a coin on the screen. I looked at him puzzled, "You want me to flip your phone in the air?" he looked at me like "no dummy" you just shake it and the coin will flip a few times and then stop. Whoa! Isn't that something? All I wanted was a good old coin to flip in the air.
Another place machines are making their presence felt are in the medical field. It is really awesome that a programmed robot can perform a very complicated surgery in which the physician is videoconferenced from across the country. I don't know about you but I would want my doctor to be IN the room and NOT across the country when I am on the operating table.
Machines are great but I don't want them to take over the world.
R
OK so I was touched by this story and I like the fact that change has been put in place but how come we give machines such credibility over humans? After all aren't all machines made by humans? I love something my husband says, "A machine is only as intelligent as the human being who built it." Touche.
Now lets talk about how much the humans who built these machines are dependent on them. For example, cell phones. How many of us carry practically our whole lives in our cell phones? How many of us know five numbers of our family and friends without looking at the contacts on our phone? First it was saving phone numbers on it to save us from memorizing numbers or carrying a bulky diary. Now our music, calendar, alarm, camera and Internet are all on our phones. We would rather lose an arm but God forbid if our phone should get lost. I personally love my cellphone because I can save phone numbers but is that an excuse for not remembering my mom's number? What if I am stranded somewhere and don't have my phone with me. Will my mom ever know if I am dead or alive? Scary thought huh?
Cell phones are genius and texting and email capabilities on them has made life so much easier. We can send and receive texts and emails instantly. No more excuses such as, "I was in the bathroom", because you can take it there too. But I think this texting business has gone too far. Personally I'd like to hear from a loved one when it is my birthday and not get a text that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! in all caps with three exclamation points at the end. Or better yet just send a message on Facebook. Now don't even get me started about that!
However there are many benefits to having machines in our homes and offices. It's time efficient and predictable but machines shouldn't replace human intelligence. God has named us superior beings over all his creatures for a reason after all. I am afraid that dependence on machines have made us complacent and also stupid. We don't see a reason to use our brains when we have calculators, computers and fancy gadgets to help us. The other day I was trying to have a competition among students in my religious education class and asked the kids if anyone had a quarter to flip. One of the students handed me his iPhone which had a coin on the screen. I looked at him puzzled, "You want me to flip your phone in the air?" he looked at me like "no dummy" you just shake it and the coin will flip a few times and then stop. Whoa! Isn't that something? All I wanted was a good old coin to flip in the air.
Another place machines are making their presence felt are in the medical field. It is really awesome that a programmed robot can perform a very complicated surgery in which the physician is videoconferenced from across the country. I don't know about you but I would want my doctor to be IN the room and NOT across the country when I am on the operating table.
Machines are great but I don't want them to take over the world.
R
Sunday, March 1, 2009
To Eat or not to Eat
Ever wonder why foods that are good for us taste so bad? I have yet to try a low calorie food that does not taste like cardboard. Granted that foods such as Lean Cuisine and Smart ones are good for you but they contain ridiculous amounts of sodium which can make you retain water in your body...which can give you a bloated look...so on and so forth.
I love the slogan Weight Watchers has, "diets don't work weight watchers does". Yeah only until you pay a weekly fee and have to go through the humiliation of getting weighed once a week. I tried it and it worked for the most part because the worst feeling in the world is when you have deprived yourself of all the regular foods and resorted to eating rabbit food and bread that tastes like....NOTHING...you get on that scale and it shows that you have gained TWO POUNDS. But how is that possible? I was so good all week. So weight watchers does work but it's a slow process and most of us don't have that kind of patience.
Recently I followed a diet that claimed you could lose up to 9 pounds in 11 days. Now I am a big skeptic when it comes to fad diets and don't fall for the gimmick, but my co worker's mother had tried it and she lost about 8 pounds. I figured that even if I lose five pounds that would be quite an accomplishment. So I logged onto the website, paid the mandatory fees and downloaded the custom made menu which comprised of three things, Milk, Eggs and peanuts. That's it! I was supposed to live on these for 11 days!! I mean I like eggs and but eating them three times a day was a little too much for me. Still I deiced to stick to it because the $40 were not refundable and besides I had bragged about it to all my coworkers and I was not going to let them call me a liar...or a coward...or a quitter..nope that was certainly not going to happen. I told myself to suck it up and do this. To my surprise I was able to stick to it and even lost four pounds. I was so proud of myself. Then I got off the diet and gained 8 pounds.
There is no quick fix to losing weight. You have to eat the low calorie, high fiber, cardboard tasting food and you have to exercise. Believe me I read every article about diets on the Internet and follow all the latest trends. I tell my mother and sister what to eat and what to avoid like I am their personal dietitian or trainer but I always procrastinate and don't follow my own advice because I tell myself that I know all the right things to do and it's just a matter of time before I get started.
The reason I am putting all this out there is because I need to make a commitment to myself that this is the year to reach my goal weight, this is the year to get healthy, this is the year to start prevention of all the potential ailments that creep up on you as your get older, this is the year to be proud of. Maybe by reading this blog some of you will get inspired to the same and if nothing else you can throw it back on my face by saying "FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE."
R
I love the slogan Weight Watchers has, "diets don't work weight watchers does". Yeah only until you pay a weekly fee and have to go through the humiliation of getting weighed once a week. I tried it and it worked for the most part because the worst feeling in the world is when you have deprived yourself of all the regular foods and resorted to eating rabbit food and bread that tastes like....NOTHING...you get on that scale and it shows that you have gained TWO POUNDS. But how is that possible? I was so good all week. So weight watchers does work but it's a slow process and most of us don't have that kind of patience.
Recently I followed a diet that claimed you could lose up to 9 pounds in 11 days. Now I am a big skeptic when it comes to fad diets and don't fall for the gimmick, but my co worker's mother had tried it and she lost about 8 pounds. I figured that even if I lose five pounds that would be quite an accomplishment. So I logged onto the website, paid the mandatory fees and downloaded the custom made menu which comprised of three things, Milk, Eggs and peanuts. That's it! I was supposed to live on these for 11 days!! I mean I like eggs and but eating them three times a day was a little too much for me. Still I deiced to stick to it because the $40 were not refundable and besides I had bragged about it to all my coworkers and I was not going to let them call me a liar...or a coward...or a quitter..nope that was certainly not going to happen. I told myself to suck it up and do this. To my surprise I was able to stick to it and even lost four pounds. I was so proud of myself. Then I got off the diet and gained 8 pounds.
There is no quick fix to losing weight. You have to eat the low calorie, high fiber, cardboard tasting food and you have to exercise. Believe me I read every article about diets on the Internet and follow all the latest trends. I tell my mother and sister what to eat and what to avoid like I am their personal dietitian or trainer but I always procrastinate and don't follow my own advice because I tell myself that I know all the right things to do and it's just a matter of time before I get started.
The reason I am putting all this out there is because I need to make a commitment to myself that this is the year to reach my goal weight, this is the year to get healthy, this is the year to start prevention of all the potential ailments that creep up on you as your get older, this is the year to be proud of. Maybe by reading this blog some of you will get inspired to the same and if nothing else you can throw it back on my face by saying "FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE."
R
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Fakeness
I just don't understand the difference between being fake or being a diplomat. I know that sometimes diplomacy can be great because it can earn you some brownie points. I mean you are not going to tell your 300lb manager that she doesn't need to order that 12 oz filet mignon. I mean that's just dumb because if you do that you will get fired. So diplomacy is great if you have to save your skin or your job for that matter, but I just can't stand being fake. For instance I had attended a meeting recently and this guy was trying to say all the right things to get everyone;s attention and with every comment of his people were praising him to the sky but I just couldn't get myself to do that. Honestly I just was not impressed. Also, I can't give fake compliments. I just can't be fake like that and maybe that has hurt me in the past. I carry my emotions on my face and when something doesn't meet my approval you will see it. In my opinion that shows that I am true to myself but to others it may seem that I am arrogant or just plain rude.
So is it better to compromise with who you are just to look good in someone else's eyes? I don't know the answer but I am trying to learn one day at a time.
R
So is it better to compromise with who you are just to look good in someone else's eyes? I don't know the answer but I am trying to learn one day at a time.
R
Monday, February 9, 2009
Short Story---Me and Amanda
Hey guys I have attached a short story I recently wrote. This is completely fiction. Let me know what you think.
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It was one of those days when you just don't want to get out of bed, don't want to talk to anybody not even your husband. Doug had left for work a little while ago and I was just laying in bed telling myself that I should get up and get ready for work but I just did not have the energy. Turns out that I had caught the flu and had to call in sick. All day I lay in bed, occasionally getting up to chug NyQuil down my throat. I had no idea when Doug got in, made his dinner, fed and walked the dogs and lied down next to me at night. He nudged me a little and I let out an irritated groan. Poor guy just wanted to know if I was feeling any better. I told him that I probably needed one more days rest and I'll be fine. He suggested that I go see a doctor in the morning but I dismissed that suggestion. We did not have any health insurance and certainly didn't need to spend money on a doctor's visit and prescription drugs. My NyQuil was going to do the job; I was sure of it and right enough after two days of rest I was back on my feet.
When I got to work, I saw a new face in the store. Julie came up to me and told me about the new girl. Her name was Amanda and she had started the day I called in sick. She also told me that Amanda was going to work in the cosmetics department with me and I was to train her. Panic struck within me. The first thing I thought was that she was here to replace me. I was to teach her everything I knew and then she would take my job. Noticing the expression on my face, Julie assured me that that wasn't the case. In the last few months, sales had gone up and we needed an extra hand, still I proceeded with caution. Amanda was one of those all American types with blond hair and blue eyes. If you looked at her close enough you would think that she was quite pretty. She was certainly well groomed, had real nice skin and wore designer jeans and carried a real nice Coach purse which must cost her no less than 400 bucks! When Julie introduced us, all my preconceived notions about Amanda were put to rest. She was actually very sweet. She listened to me very carefully and took notes. She also asked a lot of questions which made me feel kind of important. Within a couple of days, Amanda was fully trained. She was pretty and smart and I decided that I actually liked her.
Over several days I got to know Amanda a lot better. She told me that she is an only child and grew up in Houston. Her parents are both school teachers so education was big in her family. She finished high school with honors and then went to University of Texas in Austin. After college she landed a big time marketing job at a multinational company and worked as a consultant for a few years. When she got tired of all the traveling she met Scott, a Safety Engineer from Dallas. They dated for four years and got married. Scott received a good job opportunity in Dothan so they both moved here six months ago. She also told me that she wanted to start a family right after she got married but after three years of trying, they have been unsuccessful.
I asked her what a well educated girl like her doing working in a cosmetics department of a drugstore and she told me that her field of work was very stressful and required a lot of commitment and she had already done that for several years. Right now she just wanted to be a mother and until that happened she wanted to stay busy just doing this.
On the way home I couldn't help but wonder how different our lives were. Doug and I were high school sweethearts and after graduation, he went to our local community college to get a certificate for a refrigeration technician. Going to college was never really an option for me because my dad had left us when we were kids and my mom worked two jobs to raise me and my brother. After high school I applied for a job at the corner Walgreen's and been here ever since. After finishing community college Doug proposed and we got married at the civic center.
We have been married for seven years and I like to think that we're doing pretty good for ourselves, I mean we are not rich or anything but we get by with what we have. With all these difference one thing that struck me as common between Amanda and I was not having any kids. After two years of marriage, Doug and I wanted kids also and we thought that it would only take a few months of trying but after six months of having sex every night, there was still no baby. We decided to take a break for a little while and let it happen, but still nothing. I started getting worried that maybe something was wrong with me and went to the doctor. After a million tests and $3,000, the doctor told me that I was perfectly allright. Then why was I not able to get pregnant? One of my friends suggested that Doug should get himself checked out but he wasn't having any of that. According to him he was in perfect health and besides all his brothers and sisters have normal healthy kids. We had several arguments on this topic but after not getting anywhere I just gave up. Now after eight years we don't talk about babies, when friends and relatives ask, we just smile and leave the room.
So when Amanda asked me if I had any kids, I was a little uncomfortable and tried to change the subject, but didn't I tell you that she was smart? She immediately figured out that we were having problems. It didn't take me long to spill my guts out to her. Somehow I trusted her because she understood me. Julie, Connie and Terry could never understand because they had about a dozen kids between them but Amanda understood and showed tremendous empathy. She listened to me complaining about Doug and his stubbornness but she also knew that I loved him. For me we were both the same even though we were not. She and Scott vacationed on exotic islands, while Doug and I would drive to Pensacola every Fourth of July weekend. She and Scott read The Times and Wall Street Journal Where Doug and I used the local paper to pickup after our dogs Brick and Fuzz. She drove a Lexus where I drove and old Buick, but even with all the differences we had this one thing in common, we were both barren. At the time I was completely unaware of the fact that Amanda was taking advantage of all the new technology that was available to have a baby. I didn't suspect anything when she took several days off to go to Houston, not even when she ran to the bathroom when she was about to throw up. It was when Terry and Julie started teasing her that I realized that she was actually pregnant! The reality of it hit me like a ton of bricks. How could she do this to me? I thought that she was my true friend and we had a very sacred bond. How could she take this one thing away from me? I blamed her for betraying me. I didn't want to talk to her, didn't even want to see her face. She knew exactly what was going through my head and she let me be. She didn't try to explain or justify anything.
It was her last day at work and all the girls decided to throw her a surprise shower. I also chipped in for a stroller. I watched her open all her presents and thank everyone with teary eyes. When it was time to go, she came up to me and hugged me. Her gesture took me completely by surprise but her warmth comforted me. She placed my hand on her belly and let me feel the life inside of her. Tears welled up in my eyes and we both hugged each other and cried for several minutes. She parted by saying that she has already said a prayer for me and that my wish will come true.
Three months later I visited her in her hospital room. She was sleeping at the time but there was a smile on her lips. Her face was clam and content. I didn't wake her up but left a little note on her night stand which said, "I am pregnant."
Seven months later Jayden James Pinkerton came in this world and as I watched his face, I knew that Amanda's silent prayer had made this possible. Today I know that she didn't tell me about her pregnancy because she didn't want to hurt me but she also wanted me to be happy for her. The day of her shower she let me experience a very private moment with her baby, because she understood.
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It was one of those days when you just don't want to get out of bed, don't want to talk to anybody not even your husband. Doug had left for work a little while ago and I was just laying in bed telling myself that I should get up and get ready for work but I just did not have the energy. Turns out that I had caught the flu and had to call in sick. All day I lay in bed, occasionally getting up to chug NyQuil down my throat. I had no idea when Doug got in, made his dinner, fed and walked the dogs and lied down next to me at night. He nudged me a little and I let out an irritated groan. Poor guy just wanted to know if I was feeling any better. I told him that I probably needed one more days rest and I'll be fine. He suggested that I go see a doctor in the morning but I dismissed that suggestion. We did not have any health insurance and certainly didn't need to spend money on a doctor's visit and prescription drugs. My NyQuil was going to do the job; I was sure of it and right enough after two days of rest I was back on my feet.
When I got to work, I saw a new face in the store. Julie came up to me and told me about the new girl. Her name was Amanda and she had started the day I called in sick. She also told me that Amanda was going to work in the cosmetics department with me and I was to train her. Panic struck within me. The first thing I thought was that she was here to replace me. I was to teach her everything I knew and then she would take my job. Noticing the expression on my face, Julie assured me that that wasn't the case. In the last few months, sales had gone up and we needed an extra hand, still I proceeded with caution. Amanda was one of those all American types with blond hair and blue eyes. If you looked at her close enough you would think that she was quite pretty. She was certainly well groomed, had real nice skin and wore designer jeans and carried a real nice Coach purse which must cost her no less than 400 bucks! When Julie introduced us, all my preconceived notions about Amanda were put to rest. She was actually very sweet. She listened to me very carefully and took notes. She also asked a lot of questions which made me feel kind of important. Within a couple of days, Amanda was fully trained. She was pretty and smart and I decided that I actually liked her.
Over several days I got to know Amanda a lot better. She told me that she is an only child and grew up in Houston. Her parents are both school teachers so education was big in her family. She finished high school with honors and then went to University of Texas in Austin. After college she landed a big time marketing job at a multinational company and worked as a consultant for a few years. When she got tired of all the traveling she met Scott, a Safety Engineer from Dallas. They dated for four years and got married. Scott received a good job opportunity in Dothan so they both moved here six months ago. She also told me that she wanted to start a family right after she got married but after three years of trying, they have been unsuccessful.
I asked her what a well educated girl like her doing working in a cosmetics department of a drugstore and she told me that her field of work was very stressful and required a lot of commitment and she had already done that for several years. Right now she just wanted to be a mother and until that happened she wanted to stay busy just doing this.
On the way home I couldn't help but wonder how different our lives were. Doug and I were high school sweethearts and after graduation, he went to our local community college to get a certificate for a refrigeration technician. Going to college was never really an option for me because my dad had left us when we were kids and my mom worked two jobs to raise me and my brother. After high school I applied for a job at the corner Walgreen's and been here ever since. After finishing community college Doug proposed and we got married at the civic center.
We have been married for seven years and I like to think that we're doing pretty good for ourselves, I mean we are not rich or anything but we get by with what we have. With all these difference one thing that struck me as common between Amanda and I was not having any kids. After two years of marriage, Doug and I wanted kids also and we thought that it would only take a few months of trying but after six months of having sex every night, there was still no baby. We decided to take a break for a little while and let it happen, but still nothing. I started getting worried that maybe something was wrong with me and went to the doctor. After a million tests and $3,000, the doctor told me that I was perfectly allright. Then why was I not able to get pregnant? One of my friends suggested that Doug should get himself checked out but he wasn't having any of that. According to him he was in perfect health and besides all his brothers and sisters have normal healthy kids. We had several arguments on this topic but after not getting anywhere I just gave up. Now after eight years we don't talk about babies, when friends and relatives ask, we just smile and leave the room.
So when Amanda asked me if I had any kids, I was a little uncomfortable and tried to change the subject, but didn't I tell you that she was smart? She immediately figured out that we were having problems. It didn't take me long to spill my guts out to her. Somehow I trusted her because she understood me. Julie, Connie and Terry could never understand because they had about a dozen kids between them but Amanda understood and showed tremendous empathy. She listened to me complaining about Doug and his stubbornness but she also knew that I loved him. For me we were both the same even though we were not. She and Scott vacationed on exotic islands, while Doug and I would drive to Pensacola every Fourth of July weekend. She and Scott read The Times and Wall Street Journal Where Doug and I used the local paper to pickup after our dogs Brick and Fuzz. She drove a Lexus where I drove and old Buick, but even with all the differences we had this one thing in common, we were both barren. At the time I was completely unaware of the fact that Amanda was taking advantage of all the new technology that was available to have a baby. I didn't suspect anything when she took several days off to go to Houston, not even when she ran to the bathroom when she was about to throw up. It was when Terry and Julie started teasing her that I realized that she was actually pregnant! The reality of it hit me like a ton of bricks. How could she do this to me? I thought that she was my true friend and we had a very sacred bond. How could she take this one thing away from me? I blamed her for betraying me. I didn't want to talk to her, didn't even want to see her face. She knew exactly what was going through my head and she let me be. She didn't try to explain or justify anything.
It was her last day at work and all the girls decided to throw her a surprise shower. I also chipped in for a stroller. I watched her open all her presents and thank everyone with teary eyes. When it was time to go, she came up to me and hugged me. Her gesture took me completely by surprise but her warmth comforted me. She placed my hand on her belly and let me feel the life inside of her. Tears welled up in my eyes and we both hugged each other and cried for several minutes. She parted by saying that she has already said a prayer for me and that my wish will come true.
Three months later I visited her in her hospital room. She was sleeping at the time but there was a smile on her lips. Her face was clam and content. I didn't wake her up but left a little note on her night stand which said, "I am pregnant."
Seven months later Jayden James Pinkerton came in this world and as I watched his face, I knew that Amanda's silent prayer had made this possible. Today I know that she didn't tell me about her pregnancy because she didn't want to hurt me but she also wanted me to be happy for her. The day of her shower she let me experience a very private moment with her baby, because she understood.
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