I often talk to teenagers and most of the time they tell me that their parents just don't get them. They feel that there is a barrier in place and their parents just don't make any effort to break through it. For the purpose of this blog I will use Desi parents and their kids as examples. A Desi is anyone who has immigrated to the western world from India, Pakistan and other neighboring south Asian countries. Desi people started coming to America in search of a better life for themselves and their families. The land of opportunity was so alluring that they could not resist and left their homeland. In America they threw themselves into work and many of them succeeded astronomically. Soon they began reaping the rewards for their hard work by buying nice homes, purchasing luxury cars and providing their children with all that they never had. For them this was life fulfilled but in living the American dream, they forgot to communicate with their children. These kids grew up to be excellent students because anything mediocre was unacceptable. They sported impeccable manners because that was how "Desi" kids were supposed to behave but they could not communicate with their parents because they grew up in a completely different world. Although desi parents try their best to instill all the cultural aspects in their children, but what they forget is that their kids are first and foremost Americans. They ignore the fact that taking them on a trip "back home" once a year will not change who they are. Instead of bridging the gap, our desi parents relegate to speeches about us vs. them. Those Americans are not like us, they don't have a sense of religion or culture, they have boyfriends and talk back to their parents but we don't do that. We respect our parents, we are supposed to stay chaste until we get married, we don't allow this and we don't allow that. These parents fail to realize that these speeches always have the negative effect on their children. They begin resenting their parents and start questioning them that "If you hated the American culture so much then why did you come here?" It is totally unfair for parents to live in a western country and bash it's people and it's values. Every country has good and bad people and it's up to the parents to talk to their children and teach them the proper values. These values should not be about us vs. them but about incorporating good things from both cultures to raise a complete human being.
I have also observed that parents are completely clueless about what their kids' interests are. The foundation to be involved in your child's life should be laid at a very young age. You should always ask questions about their likes and dislikes and make them used to talking to you because once they hit adolescence they will go into a shell. I grew up in a home where my mom was always there. As soon as I came from school, I would tell her everything about the day and this habit is still there even today. Most parents are too busy to talk to their kids while they are growing up and suddenly become interested in their lives once they reach adolescence, but by this time the kids have made friends and have other confidants and last thing they want to do is share their feelings with their parents.
I believe that every parent should make an effort to become interested in their child's hobbies such as music, movies, books and any other interests at an early age. Conversation to your child should not be limited to "How was school" because nothing will turn them off faster than a school question. A father who educates himself about his son's favorite sport will always have a special connection with him. A mother who learns about the latest trends in fashion and popular culture will always have something to talk about with her daughter. These are foundations that will make your child feel comfortable and they will want to come to you with more serious issues such as drugs, peer pressure, sex instead of going to a friend. I am all for parents who are friendly with their kids but also establish certain boundaries. Trying to become your child's best friend can backfire just as ruling with an iron fist will turn them into rebels.
So desi parents work hard but do not neglect your child because believe it or not your child wants to talk to you but you have to make the first move.
R
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Healthcare Reform
On March 22nd, 2010 a historic event occurred on the house floor. The United States Congress passed a government run healthcare reform bill with a 219-212 vote. This bill was overwhelmingly supported by democrats while Republicans strongly opposed it. President Barack Obama succeeded in achieving a feat that many of his predecessors tried and miserably failed. On Monday this news was all over the media with many people from all walks of life weighing in on it. There were some strong opinions by supporters as well as people who absolutely hate it.
I as many of my fellow Americans have an opinion about this. Now I don't claim that I fully understand this bill because it is close to a thousand pages and I highly doubt that even the lawmakers who voted actually read and understood what all it contains; however, there are some points that jump out at me and I would like to comment on them.
Basically the government will take over all the healthcare provided to the American people in it's own hands. The government wants to insure approximately 36 million Americans who are uninsured to make sure that quality healthcare is available to them. The Operating word here is "quality". Most of the people who are already on Medicaid today do not receive quality care as is because Medicaid pays the doctors pennies on the dollar. With passing of this bill, Medicaid will add millions of more people who will want to see a physician who is already overworked and underpaid. When denied an appointment, these same patients will crowd the emergency rooms of hospitals further delaying "quality care" because hospitals don't have enough physicians nor nurses to meet the demand.
I support the bill as it extends healthcare to people who did not have a chance to go see a doctor before due to no insurance but I have a problem with the basic economics of it. It all comes down to supply vs. demand. The government has created a demand but they did not look at the short supply of medical personnel. The number of medical students willing to go into family care has decreased significantly in the last 10 years. There are many countries in the world who have implemented socialized medicine and from here the picture looks all rosy, but when you take a closer look you will realize that a patient wanting to see a Cardiologist in Canada or England may wait up to six months to get an appointment where in The U.S. you can choose a Cardiologist of your choice and get in the same week! This can mean a difference between life and death. Early prevention can eliminate higher medical costs in the future. Instead of giving access to people who are non-compliant why not promote a culture of healthy eating and healthy living?
I recently saw a show on ABC where a British chef goes to a small American city to change their eating habits. He is received with a lot of skepticism and hesitation because he wants to break the culture of processed foods and introduce fresh produce. He goes to a school and is horrified to see so much processed frozen crap that we are feeding our kids. Our goal should be to bring change from ground zero which is our school system. I think every parent should see that show to realize what kind of junk their kids are being fed. The basic root of the problem are our eating habits and our sedentary lifestyle and until we change that we will keep driving up the healthcare costs.
This new healthcare bill is very ambitious but it has several loop holes and can strain our fragile economy even further where hardworking honest taxpayers will give a huge chunk of their money to the government so that the government can support people who have chosen to be non-compliant. I like Barack Obama and respect many of his views but I do not like the fact that he took such a hasty decision on this very important piece of legislation.
R
I as many of my fellow Americans have an opinion about this. Now I don't claim that I fully understand this bill because it is close to a thousand pages and I highly doubt that even the lawmakers who voted actually read and understood what all it contains; however, there are some points that jump out at me and I would like to comment on them.
Basically the government will take over all the healthcare provided to the American people in it's own hands. The government wants to insure approximately 36 million Americans who are uninsured to make sure that quality healthcare is available to them. The Operating word here is "quality". Most of the people who are already on Medicaid today do not receive quality care as is because Medicaid pays the doctors pennies on the dollar. With passing of this bill, Medicaid will add millions of more people who will want to see a physician who is already overworked and underpaid. When denied an appointment, these same patients will crowd the emergency rooms of hospitals further delaying "quality care" because hospitals don't have enough physicians nor nurses to meet the demand.
I support the bill as it extends healthcare to people who did not have a chance to go see a doctor before due to no insurance but I have a problem with the basic economics of it. It all comes down to supply vs. demand. The government has created a demand but they did not look at the short supply of medical personnel. The number of medical students willing to go into family care has decreased significantly in the last 10 years. There are many countries in the world who have implemented socialized medicine and from here the picture looks all rosy, but when you take a closer look you will realize that a patient wanting to see a Cardiologist in Canada or England may wait up to six months to get an appointment where in The U.S. you can choose a Cardiologist of your choice and get in the same week! This can mean a difference between life and death. Early prevention can eliminate higher medical costs in the future. Instead of giving access to people who are non-compliant why not promote a culture of healthy eating and healthy living?
I recently saw a show on ABC where a British chef goes to a small American city to change their eating habits. He is received with a lot of skepticism and hesitation because he wants to break the culture of processed foods and introduce fresh produce. He goes to a school and is horrified to see so much processed frozen crap that we are feeding our kids. Our goal should be to bring change from ground zero which is our school system. I think every parent should see that show to realize what kind of junk their kids are being fed. The basic root of the problem are our eating habits and our sedentary lifestyle and until we change that we will keep driving up the healthcare costs.
This new healthcare bill is very ambitious but it has several loop holes and can strain our fragile economy even further where hardworking honest taxpayers will give a huge chunk of their money to the government so that the government can support people who have chosen to be non-compliant. I like Barack Obama and respect many of his views but I do not like the fact that he took such a hasty decision on this very important piece of legislation.
R
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Life Lessons
Ever wonder what it means when you hear the phrase "live life to the fullest' or "don't worry about anything because you have one life to live"? What does it really mean to live a full life? Does it mean party all you want, travel, shop and have fun or is there something deeper in it? I have always struggled with this because as I was growing up, I avoided parties and hanging out with the popular crowds because I was afraid to get influenced by the wrong people. I was afraid that they would get me hooked on the wrong things and thus kept my distance, but now as I sit here and write this piece, I wonder if I lost out on something very integral, what people call the zest of life. I don't have any regrets but a part of me always wonders what kind of a person I would be today had I been more social or experimental. Does this mean that I really missed out on enjoying life to the fullest?. For me a full life also consists of how much of a difference you have made in other people's lives. I was raised with a sense of responsibility and a sensibility towards others. I believe in service and generosity and my favorite and best teacher has been my mother. My mother is a wonderful cook and many family members showed up at our home to have her food or if she made something special, she would pack it up and send it over to whoever asked for it. She always tells me this is her way of showing love and while others can afford to shower expensive gifts, she loves sharing her food and is appreciated just as much if not more. So this life lesson is extremely important because it is not about how much money you spend on someone but showing how much you care by little gestures such as cooking like my mom.
Another life lesson is about friendship. I am very fortunate to have a few but very good friends. We may not talk on the phone everyday or see each other in months but in our hearts we know that we are there for each other. It is certainly a challenge to be close to your friends all the time due to our hectic schedules and geographical distances but true friends will always be in your heart no matter where they live and even if you meet them after years, it would always seem like you just talked yesterday. There is another side to friendship which can hurt and make you miserable. These are people who come into your life for a short period of time but leave a bad taste in your mouth. I've had my share of so-called friends who brought a lot of negativity and toxic energy in my life. When I was younger, I found it hard to tell them about the damage they are causing, but now I feel it is important to distance yourself from such people. We should always make friends who bring out the best in us, not the ones who suck the life out of us and leave us exhausted. So I have let those people go because they do not contribute anything significant to my life.
Lastly, the most important life lesson comes from our spiritual side. We all believe in a higher power and know that there is something greater out there that controls everything and everyone. Once I was having a discussion with a very dear friend about taking care of your body and skin and all the outer things and she suddenly asked, "So what are you doing for your soul?" That question shocked and puzzled me and I couldn't help but remember that in Islam and most of the religions around the world, it is taught that your body is finite, only your soul is infinite. Life as we know it is temporary because one day we all have to die and leave this body behind, only what's inside gets to go and be with that superior being. So what do you do to cleanse your soul? I don't think it is necessary to pray 24/7 and preach about your religion to people every opportunity you get. For me living my life with honesty and integrity is also an act of faith along with religious rituals and prayers. I know plenty of people who pray all the time but are nasty human beings who hurt people. There are so many ways we can be spiritual. Just doing what my mom does by serving her food to people is an act of faith. Giving charity is an act of faith. Watching your neighbor's kid while they are out is an act of faith. I could go on and on but you get the idea. So the lesson here is that while it is great to take care of your body and live a healthy life but it is more important to have a healthy soul.
Life lessons are important and the purpose should be to learn from them. If you have made a decision in the past that has left a negative impact on you then you should do everything possible to avoid repeating that mistake and if the results are positive then you should try and replicate them. I believe in making life easier for people by providing my services and advice whenever I can and I also try and learn from my elders because their experiences enrich my life. So my friends learn from life because there is no better teacher and live your life to the fullest because after all, we only get one life to live.
R
Another life lesson is about friendship. I am very fortunate to have a few but very good friends. We may not talk on the phone everyday or see each other in months but in our hearts we know that we are there for each other. It is certainly a challenge to be close to your friends all the time due to our hectic schedules and geographical distances but true friends will always be in your heart no matter where they live and even if you meet them after years, it would always seem like you just talked yesterday. There is another side to friendship which can hurt and make you miserable. These are people who come into your life for a short period of time but leave a bad taste in your mouth. I've had my share of so-called friends who brought a lot of negativity and toxic energy in my life. When I was younger, I found it hard to tell them about the damage they are causing, but now I feel it is important to distance yourself from such people. We should always make friends who bring out the best in us, not the ones who suck the life out of us and leave us exhausted. So I have let those people go because they do not contribute anything significant to my life.
Lastly, the most important life lesson comes from our spiritual side. We all believe in a higher power and know that there is something greater out there that controls everything and everyone. Once I was having a discussion with a very dear friend about taking care of your body and skin and all the outer things and she suddenly asked, "So what are you doing for your soul?" That question shocked and puzzled me and I couldn't help but remember that in Islam and most of the religions around the world, it is taught that your body is finite, only your soul is infinite. Life as we know it is temporary because one day we all have to die and leave this body behind, only what's inside gets to go and be with that superior being. So what do you do to cleanse your soul? I don't think it is necessary to pray 24/7 and preach about your religion to people every opportunity you get. For me living my life with honesty and integrity is also an act of faith along with religious rituals and prayers. I know plenty of people who pray all the time but are nasty human beings who hurt people. There are so many ways we can be spiritual. Just doing what my mom does by serving her food to people is an act of faith. Giving charity is an act of faith. Watching your neighbor's kid while they are out is an act of faith. I could go on and on but you get the idea. So the lesson here is that while it is great to take care of your body and live a healthy life but it is more important to have a healthy soul.
Life lessons are important and the purpose should be to learn from them. If you have made a decision in the past that has left a negative impact on you then you should do everything possible to avoid repeating that mistake and if the results are positive then you should try and replicate them. I believe in making life easier for people by providing my services and advice whenever I can and I also try and learn from my elders because their experiences enrich my life. So my friends learn from life because there is no better teacher and live your life to the fullest because after all, we only get one life to live.
R
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