Ever wonder what it means when you hear the phrase "live life to the fullest' or "don't worry about anything because you have one life to live"? What does it really mean to live a full life? Does it mean party all you want, travel, shop and have fun or is there something deeper in it? I have always struggled with this because as I was growing up, I avoided parties and hanging out with the popular crowds because I was afraid to get influenced by the wrong people. I was afraid that they would get me hooked on the wrong things and thus kept my distance, but now as I sit here and write this piece, I wonder if I lost out on something very integral, what people call the zest of life. I don't have any regrets but a part of me always wonders what kind of a person I would be today had I been more social or experimental. Does this mean that I really missed out on enjoying life to the fullest?. For me a full life also consists of how much of a difference you have made in other people's lives. I was raised with a sense of responsibility and a sensibility towards others. I believe in service and generosity and my favorite and best teacher has been my mother. My mother is a wonderful cook and many family members showed up at our home to have her food or if she made something special, she would pack it up and send it over to whoever asked for it. She always tells me this is her way of showing love and while others can afford to shower expensive gifts, she loves sharing her food and is appreciated just as much if not more. So this life lesson is extremely important because it is not about how much money you spend on someone but showing how much you care by little gestures such as cooking like my mom.
Another life lesson is about friendship. I am very fortunate to have a few but very good friends. We may not talk on the phone everyday or see each other in months but in our hearts we know that we are there for each other. It is certainly a challenge to be close to your friends all the time due to our hectic schedules and geographical distances but true friends will always be in your heart no matter where they live and even if you meet them after years, it would always seem like you just talked yesterday. There is another side to friendship which can hurt and make you miserable. These are people who come into your life for a short period of time but leave a bad taste in your mouth. I've had my share of so-called friends who brought a lot of negativity and toxic energy in my life. When I was younger, I found it hard to tell them about the damage they are causing, but now I feel it is important to distance yourself from such people. We should always make friends who bring out the best in us, not the ones who suck the life out of us and leave us exhausted. So I have let those people go because they do not contribute anything significant to my life.
Lastly, the most important life lesson comes from our spiritual side. We all believe in a higher power and know that there is something greater out there that controls everything and everyone. Once I was having a discussion with a very dear friend about taking care of your body and skin and all the outer things and she suddenly asked, "So what are you doing for your soul?" That question shocked and puzzled me and I couldn't help but remember that in Islam and most of the religions around the world, it is taught that your body is finite, only your soul is infinite. Life as we know it is temporary because one day we all have to die and leave this body behind, only what's inside gets to go and be with that superior being. So what do you do to cleanse your soul? I don't think it is necessary to pray 24/7 and preach about your religion to people every opportunity you get. For me living my life with honesty and integrity is also an act of faith along with religious rituals and prayers. I know plenty of people who pray all the time but are nasty human beings who hurt people. There are so many ways we can be spiritual. Just doing what my mom does by serving her food to people is an act of faith. Giving charity is an act of faith. Watching your neighbor's kid while they are out is an act of faith. I could go on and on but you get the idea. So the lesson here is that while it is great to take care of your body and live a healthy life but it is more important to have a healthy soul.
Life lessons are important and the purpose should be to learn from them. If you have made a decision in the past that has left a negative impact on you then you should do everything possible to avoid repeating that mistake and if the results are positive then you should try and replicate them. I believe in making life easier for people by providing my services and advice whenever I can and I also try and learn from my elders because their experiences enrich my life. So my friends learn from life because there is no better teacher and live your life to the fullest because after all, we only get one life to live.
R
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Change
Change is tough but it's inevitable. There is always fear of the unknown but you can't rule out the curiosity to learn something new. Personally I have gone through many changes in life as most people reading this blog. My first big change came when I left Pakistan at the age of 11 and came to America. At the time I had no clue where America was and what it had in store for me but coming here was my destiny, so I came. The next big change came about when I was through with college and had an opportunity to live and work away from my parents. This was a big shocker because in our culture, unmarried children no matter how old always lived with their parents. With a lot of begging and pleading I finally got permission to live on my own. This I would consider as one of the most enlightening phases of my life. I was asked questions like, "Why do you not live with your parents?", "Do you not get along with your parents?" Some people even branded me as being a loose character because no good girl leaves her parents' home and lives on her own. There were whispers among family members also with aunts and uncles calling my mom and asking about my intentions. They also didn't fail to mention that no eligible boy from a good family would consider me for marriage; boy were they wrong!
Next change came when I was scoping out prospective suitors for marriage. Most guys I talked to were surprised when they learned that I didn't live with my parents, but there was one man who admired my courage to be independent and make a life for myself so I married him.
Married life was a huge change. My husband and I had known each other for only a few months before we got married and it was a very big adjustment. The first year was tough as we were both getting to know each other and learning to love each other in the process but after that it has been smooth sailing. I am proud to say that he is my best friend. He is the most kind and compassionate person on the face of this earth and although I don't say it to him enough, I love him dearly.
So change is scary but it's necessary because it means progress. I thank my father for the first big change for bringing us here. I know that my sisters would agree with me because we were living a very poor life in Pakistan not knowing if we would be able to go to college or get married in a decent family. I thank my parents again in believing in me and giving me the freedom to pursue my dreams of higher studies and a great career. I also want to thank my husband for loving me and changing me as a person. I am more grounded because of him. I value people and and their deeds rather than jewelry and clothes.
There are many changes in store for me in the future and I know that I will embrace each change because change is progress.
R
Next change came when I was scoping out prospective suitors for marriage. Most guys I talked to were surprised when they learned that I didn't live with my parents, but there was one man who admired my courage to be independent and make a life for myself so I married him.
Married life was a huge change. My husband and I had known each other for only a few months before we got married and it was a very big adjustment. The first year was tough as we were both getting to know each other and learning to love each other in the process but after that it has been smooth sailing. I am proud to say that he is my best friend. He is the most kind and compassionate person on the face of this earth and although I don't say it to him enough, I love him dearly.
So change is scary but it's necessary because it means progress. I thank my father for the first big change for bringing us here. I know that my sisters would agree with me because we were living a very poor life in Pakistan not knowing if we would be able to go to college or get married in a decent family. I thank my parents again in believing in me and giving me the freedom to pursue my dreams of higher studies and a great career. I also want to thank my husband for loving me and changing me as a person. I am more grounded because of him. I value people and and their deeds rather than jewelry and clothes.
There are many changes in store for me in the future and I know that I will embrace each change because change is progress.
R
Saturday, February 6, 2010
GO RED!!
We all know that heart disease is the #1 killer of women in America, but do we know that treatment of women with heart disease rests in the hands of political bureaucrats and big insurance companies? Working for a Cardiologist has given me an inside look into the future of American health care. Recently Medicare has cut reimbursements for critical cardiac tests for up to 40%. This may not mean much to a patient until he or she realizes that insurance lobbyists have convinced our government to set high deductibles and premiums for average Americans who believe they have decent health insurance. For example, you are paying $300 a month in premiums for medical insurance thinking that you will get the best possible service when you need it but what you don't know is that most of the insurance companies impose deductibles on some very necessary tests. A deductible is the amount of money that you have to pay from your own pocket before your insurance even kicks in. If you are lucky it could be as low as $1,500 per family but it could go up to $10,000 a year. Which means that unless you get into a car accident or have a heart attack you will never meet your insurance deductible for that year.
Medicare has justified cuts in cardiology tests as too many tests being done and it is bankrupting the government. I agree that there are doctors out there who run a battery of tests unnecessarily but what about honest doctors who are in the profession to help people and only order certain tests to rule out major complications? They are being punished by the government for taking care of or even keeping their patients alive.
We had a patient come into our office the other day needing a stress test. Upon verifying her insurance we found out that she has a $1,000 deductible and considering the way insurance works we were not going to paid a single penny unless the patient paid something upfront. When I said that to the patient she almost had tears in her eyes because she thought that she had good insurance and all she had to pay that day was her copay. Although she needed the test, she left our office without being seen. Now I work for a great Doctor who would've seen her without worrying about the money a couple of years ago but considering his expenses, he couldn't afford to see this patient.
Bottom line is that Americans are getting sicker and need medical care now more than ever but the insurance companies and the government are tying the hands of capable physicians by not paying them for their hard work and also penalizing the patients by imposing high premiums and deductibles. This is all because of lobbying or should I say bribery by big insurance companies in congress. This may not effect an average healthy person right now but it will when you and I need a doctor and the good ones will all be gone.
R
Medicare has justified cuts in cardiology tests as too many tests being done and it is bankrupting the government. I agree that there are doctors out there who run a battery of tests unnecessarily but what about honest doctors who are in the profession to help people and only order certain tests to rule out major complications? They are being punished by the government for taking care of or even keeping their patients alive.
We had a patient come into our office the other day needing a stress test. Upon verifying her insurance we found out that she has a $1,000 deductible and considering the way insurance works we were not going to paid a single penny unless the patient paid something upfront. When I said that to the patient she almost had tears in her eyes because she thought that she had good insurance and all she had to pay that day was her copay. Although she needed the test, she left our office without being seen. Now I work for a great Doctor who would've seen her without worrying about the money a couple of years ago but considering his expenses, he couldn't afford to see this patient.
Bottom line is that Americans are getting sicker and need medical care now more than ever but the insurance companies and the government are tying the hands of capable physicians by not paying them for their hard work and also penalizing the patients by imposing high premiums and deductibles. This is all because of lobbying or should I say bribery by big insurance companies in congress. This may not effect an average healthy person right now but it will when you and I need a doctor and the good ones will all be gone.
R
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Prayers for Haiti
It's amazing how much mental stimulation you get when you engage in conversations with people from all walks of life. Lunch time at my office is one such forum. We talk about anything and everything under the sun. No topic is off limits. These days our main topic of conversation is the earthquake in Haiti. It is definitely heart wrenching to see all the devastation and loss of precious life. Sometimes it makes me think about all the mysterious ways in which God works. I can't help but wonder why most of the worst disasters hit the poorest and densely populated nations? To that, one of my coworkers said that maybe because the more fortunate choose the best locations to live in where they feel safe so the underprivileged have no choice but to live on the land that's left over. I don't know about anyone else but her thought did resonate with me and I kept thinking about some other natural disasters such as the Tsunami, earthquake in China and India. It takes years for people in those nations to rebuild their lives because they lack the infrastructure and basic resources. In Haiti for example, a corrupt government has left the country with buildings that were unstable so their fall in the face of such a disaster was inevitable. I remember taking a tour of San Fransisco in one of those city tour buses a couple of years ago and the tour guide pointed out that most of their government buildings in the financial district were built on foundations that acted like ball bearings so if for instance an earthquake hit, the buildings would move from side to side and come back to their original positions and not collapse. Now that was amazing to me. Taking a proactive measure instead of reacting after a major catastrophe. My heart goes out to all those people who have lost their loved ones and homes and I thank God everyday for the blessings he has showered on us.
I'll share more topics of discussions in the near future.
R
I'll share more topics of discussions in the near future.
R
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Where have the children gone?
Last Thursday the world watched a giant balloon floating over the state of Colorado thinking it took off with a 6 year old boy inside. Local authorities were contacted, air traffic in and out of the Denver airport was grounded and many people were glued to the TV following the path of the balloon and praying that the boy inside is safe. The telecast lasted for over two hours and the story was plastered all over the internet. When the balloon finally landed in a field and people came to know that there was no one inside, more panic ensued. Speculations were flying everywhere; Did the boy fall off? Was he trapped inside? Was there a chance for him to come out of this ordeal alive? A widespread search for the boy commenced only to discover that he had been hiding in his attic all this time and fell asleep. The world took a collective sigh of relief and offered their gratitude that the boy was unharmed, but the next day the mood changed as their were speculations that the family planned this whole thing and duped the entire world. After all, they wasted many resources that could have been used elsewhere. Latest I've heard is that police is investigating this whole thing as a hoax. They found out that the family is very TV savvy and have already appeared on a reality show. Also upon examining the balloon, scientists have concluded that there is no way the balloon could've taken off with the little boy inside as it was not sturdy enough.
This story captivated me also as it was unfolding but in light of all this new information, I cannot help but wonder what has happened to us? Why are we in such a need to get noticed? Why are parents putting their kids through such stunts to make a quick buck or get famous? This exploitation cannot be healthy in any way. I remember being a kid and life was very simple back then, but for kids growing up today there is so much pressure, so many expectations. The family that pulled this stunt for 15 minutes of fame probably won't think it was worth it when they are slapped with a number of criminal charges. They won't think it's funny when the CPS will come in their home and take their children away. The consequences for such actions are never good. Look at John and Kate! What a mess they have made of their lives. If they weren't doing the reality show and went through the same ordeal in private, maybe their kids wouldn't have gone through what they are going through right now. I bet it's not fun to hear about or watch your parents flaunting their dirty laundry in public. These kids will probably have to hear about this and suffer consequences for a long time because of their public exposure.
Another thing that annoys me is parents entering their children in beauty pageants. All the fake teeth, makeup and focus on vanity can go through a kid's head. I don't know why parents don't learn from child artists who, after losing their fame, can hardly function in society. They usually fall victim to drugs, sex and alcohol. Children are meant to live their childhood not to act like adults before their time. They should be taught how to play with their dolls, action figures, ball and bikes, not how to act in front of the camera so that mommy and daddy can live their dreams at their expense.
R
This story captivated me also as it was unfolding but in light of all this new information, I cannot help but wonder what has happened to us? Why are we in such a need to get noticed? Why are parents putting their kids through such stunts to make a quick buck or get famous? This exploitation cannot be healthy in any way. I remember being a kid and life was very simple back then, but for kids growing up today there is so much pressure, so many expectations. The family that pulled this stunt for 15 minutes of fame probably won't think it was worth it when they are slapped with a number of criminal charges. They won't think it's funny when the CPS will come in their home and take their children away. The consequences for such actions are never good. Look at John and Kate! What a mess they have made of their lives. If they weren't doing the reality show and went through the same ordeal in private, maybe their kids wouldn't have gone through what they are going through right now. I bet it's not fun to hear about or watch your parents flaunting their dirty laundry in public. These kids will probably have to hear about this and suffer consequences for a long time because of their public exposure.
Another thing that annoys me is parents entering their children in beauty pageants. All the fake teeth, makeup and focus on vanity can go through a kid's head. I don't know why parents don't learn from child artists who, after losing their fame, can hardly function in society. They usually fall victim to drugs, sex and alcohol. Children are meant to live their childhood not to act like adults before their time. They should be taught how to play with their dolls, action figures, ball and bikes, not how to act in front of the camera so that mommy and daddy can live their dreams at their expense.
R
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Nadia's Story
Here is another Story I wrote not too long ago. Just want to see what you guys think.
His name was Javed and he first saw Nadia in a shopping mall. It was love at first sight for him and from that moment on he made it his mission to find out everything about her. He would stand outside her college just to get a glimpse of her, send her roses and chocolates and write love letters with his blood. It didn’t take long for him to win her over as she found him insanely attractive. They began exchanging love letters and having discreet phone conversations. One day Javed suggested that they meet at his friend’s house. Nadia was reluctant at first but Javed assured her that she had nothing to be afraid of, she can trust him. Her trust in him grew when he kept his word and didn’t try anything she would feel uncomfortable with. They started meeting regularly and every time Javed gained a little more mileage with her. Within a couple of weeks they were making out and Nadia liked how it felt. She liked all the sensations her body felt when she was in his arms and she liked how his lips tasted and every time they parted she wanted more of him. One day Javed extended an invitation to spend the whole night with him. Nadia was certainly tempted but she was also very afraid. Somewhere in the back of her mind she feared the unknown but she was hopelessly in love with this guy and just wanted to live in the moment. She recruited one of her friends to go to her mother and father to ask if Nadia can spend the night at her house. Nadia knew that it was a difficult task as her parents did not allow her to stay away from home for too long, especially at night. After much cajoling by her friend they finally gave in. Nadia carefully packed her overnight bag with scented lotions and a nighty she had bought a few days ago and headed to meet Javed. He picked her up on his bike at a local bus station and they drove off to his friend’s house. The tiny apartment was filled with fresh flowers and lovely romantic lighting. Nadia excused herself and went to the bathroom to change. As she slipped out of her clothes, her heart started beating really fast. Meanwhile, Javed put on some soft music and settled on the bed waiting for her. She stepped out of the bathroom, her eyes planted on the floor as she felt extremely conscious in the semi revealing nighty. When Javed saw her he let out a sigh. She was breathtaking and he just couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He got up from the bed and went close to her, real close. She found his gaze piercing like he could see every detail of her body. He put his arms around her and she laid her head on his muscular chest. They held each other for what seemed like an eternity. Then he lowered his head and kissed her on her forehead and went down inch by inch until he reached her lips. He held himself back but Nadia couldn’t stand it anymore. She raised her lips to his and unleashed the passion. They kissed right there standing until Nadia’s knees felt weak and her legs couldn’t stand her weight anymore. She leaned fully into his body and he led her to the bed. She laid flat on her back and pulled him close to her until his body was directly over her. He fit her perfectly. He removed his shirt and pants as she watched him provocatively. He was so handsome, chiseled to perfection. He found her staring at her and smiled. She looked away. He slipped beside her and reached for her nighty. She hesitated so he turned the light off. Slowly he removed her nighty and she pulled the covers over her all the way to her throat as she had never undressed in front of anyone, not even her own mother, not after she turned ten. Slowly Javed pulled her closer to him and she let all her inhibitions go. He drove inside her and she let out a cry but after a moment, the pain was gone and she started swimming in the deep blue ocean of pleasure.
The next morning she woke up in his arms a completely different person. Now she was a woman who just spent the most glorious night of her life with the man she loved. After that magical night they were always eager to repeat the passion play. Nadia would bunk her college and they would sneak to Javed’s friend’s house where they would drive each other crazy with desire. With every get-together Nadia was getting bolder and more aware of her sexuality but as this seemed like an ideal arrangement for Javed, she was ready to think about her future, their future. Often she would mention that she wanted to marry him and spend the rest of her life with him and he would tell her that they had all the time in the world to think about the future but right now they should just enjoy what they have. His evasive answers started to make Nadia very uncomfortable especially when she was late. She was never late. She confided in one of her friends and they went out and bought a home pregnancy test from a store about an hour away from their home. Nadia was frightened as she peed on the stick. She kept praying that it was negative and this was just an isolated event where she was a few days late but her stars had something else in store for her. When she saw two lines on the stick her worst fear came to life. She sank on the couch, sick to her stomach and unable to breathe.
She called Javed and told him that she needed to see him. He told her to head to his friend’s house and he’ll join her. When he came over Nadia clung to him and began crying hysterically. Javed became worried and tried to calm her down. After a few moments she found enough strength to tell him the truth. He was clearly surprised but he reassured her that there was no reason to panic. He also told her that he’ll talk to his parents that night and send them to her house with a formal proposal of marriage. Nadia was relieved. This is exactly what she expected from Javed. He loved her and he was ready to stand by her. She went home that night and slept peacefully while dreaming of a beautiful life with Javed and their new baby.
Four days passed since she had told Javed but he hadn’t contacted her. This was not unusual because he often had to go out of town for work for weeks at a time but time was not on their side right now because it was slipping away with every breath.
One day while helping her mother in the kitchen she felt nauseated. She ran to the bathroom and Mrs. Qureshi followed her. They say that mothers have a very strong sixth sense and her mother’s sixth sense was telling her that something was terribly wrong. Nadia came out of the bathroom and found her mother standing there. She could sense what was going through her mother’s head and she could not face her. As she headed to her room, Mrs. Qureshi stopped her in her tracks.
“Nadia what is going on?” She asked
“I don’t know, must be something I ate.” Nadia lied
“Look me in the eye and tell me the truth.” She came and stood right in front of Nadia
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nadia tried to fight back tears. She just wanted to buy some time until Javed returned.
“Why did you throw up all of a sudden? Tell me what you have done.” Mrs. Qureshi was not about to let go.
“Mummy…Mummy…” Nadia broke down and embraced her mother tightly.
“Oh my God…Oh my God…Tell me you didn’t do anything wrong. Tell me you didn’t sacrifice our pride and honor. Tell me you didn’t shame us in front of the world. Tell me…Tell me.” She was fiercely shaking Nadia who continued to cry.
“I am sorry mummy, I am so sorry.”
“Who is he? Who is he with whom you have blackened our reputation?”
“Mummy please…Mummy please forgive me…I made a terrible mistake…Please”
“Tell me his name.”
“His name is Javed. I met him six months ago…mummy he loves me…he loves me a lot and he wants to marry me.”
After hearing this Mrs. Qureshi calmed down a bit and sat down on Nadia’s bed. She came up with a strategy where she will meet Javed and talk to him herself. Then she would talk to his parents and they would arrange a very small religious ceremony where they would get married.
Next day Nadia tried to call Javed but his phone number was disconnected. She was confused and dialed the number several times only to hear the same message over and over again. Frustrated she threw her phone and started crying. She didn’t want to believe that Javed may have been a jerk who took advantage of her and when she got pregnant with his child, made a run for it. She wanted to believe that all the things he said to her, all the promises he made to her were sincere and that he truly loved her. She wanted to believe that he wanted this child and a life together as much as she but as days went by she was getting very nervous. She didn’t have another contact number for him. She did not even know where he lived but she knew where his friend lived so one day she went over to the apartment only to find a family with two small kids living there. The woman told her that they moved in a week ago and did not have any information about the previous tenant. Nadia was clearly distraught. It had happened. Javed did turn out to be a complete jerk whose only goal was to have sex with her. Now what? What was she going to do? How was she going to tell her mother that the father of her baby had disappeared in thin air? How was she going to face the world as an unwed mother? What has she done? She was hating herself at this moment for letting a man take advantage of her like that. Surely her parents raised her to know better but Javed broke her resolve and left her to fend for herself. She was never going to forgive him and she was never going to forgive herself.
Mrs. Qureshi was sitting in Nadia’s room with her head in her hands. Nadia had just told her everything and was now sitting across from her crying. Mrs. Qureshi looked up and said,
“Stop crying. Crying won’t solve the problems you have gotten us into.” Her tone was harsh as she was angry at her daughter and also sad for her.
“There is only one solution. We must abort the child.” She said
“No” Nadia shouted and gripped her stomach with both arms protecting her unborn child.
“Nadia don’t be a fool. There is no other way.”
“No..mummy..no…please don’t do this.” Nadia lowered herself on the floor and grabbed her mother’s feet for mercy.
“Nadia we don’t have a choice. You are an unmarried girl and to get pregnant is a sin. If anyone gets a wind of this we will be outcast from the society. People will spit on us. Who will marry you?” Mrs. Qureshi started babbling in an effort to rationalize the situation.
“But mummy no one has to know. I can go away from here. Far away with my baby.” All of a sudden Nadia was talking like a grown woman and not a teenager.
“This is not possible. You will do as I say. I will not let you deprecate us anymore than you already have.”
She left the room leaving Nadia on the floor. When she got to her room Mr.Qureshi was reading his newspaper. He was unaware of all the happenings in his own home and Mrs.Qureshi preferred it that way. She knew that if her husband finds out the truth he is capable of murdering his own daughter in the name of family honor and pride. Nadia will have to do as she says this is the only way she can save the family’s honor and her daughter’s life. She decided to call her only sister and ask her to come and help her with this difficult decision and when her sister reached she did everything in her power to convince Nadia to do as being told. Nadia rebelled but ultimately made the decision to terminate her pregnancy in order to save her and her family’s honor. Her aunt stayed back for another few months because following the abortion Nadia had fallen into severe bout of depression. She had become zombie like and stayed in her room either listening to sad songs or sleeping. Her mom and aunt knew that for Nadia killing the baby was like cutting off a body part but they were also sure that she will heal with time and they were right because Nadia did recover. She picked herself up and joined a vocational class. Her life had become very routine. Every day she went to class, worked on her assignment, came home, helped her mom in the kitchen and went to sleep. She had lost her zest for life and it broke her mother’s heart to see her this way. She desperately prayed for a miracle that would take Nadia out of this ordeal and change her life. Her prayers were answered the day her childhood friend called from Lahore and said that her son was coming to Karachi for a job interview and would be staying with them a few days. Parvez came and instantly fell in love with this beautiful, quiet girl who had certain sadness in her eyes and secrets in her heart. He immediately decided that Nadia was the girl he wanted to marry. Somehow he felt the urge to take all her sorrows away and give her a life full of love and beauty. When Nadia heard about Parvez’s proposal she told her mom that she wanted to tell him the truth about her past but her mom ruled against it. She did not want to lose a guy like Parvez because she was convinced that once he learns the truth, he will not want to have anything to do with Nadia. For days Nadia struggled with the decision because she did not want to start a new life with a lie. She liked Parvez and did not want to keep him in the dark. As her future husband he had every right to know the truth; hence, she wrote everything in a letter and patiently waited for his reply. She was ready to face rejection but to her surprise Parvez’s decision was not altered. They married with all the fanfare and as promised Parvez lived up to all the promises he made and showered so much love on her that she forgot all about the past and became the same fun loving and spirited girl she always was.
His name was Javed and he first saw Nadia in a shopping mall. It was love at first sight for him and from that moment on he made it his mission to find out everything about her. He would stand outside her college just to get a glimpse of her, send her roses and chocolates and write love letters with his blood. It didn’t take long for him to win her over as she found him insanely attractive. They began exchanging love letters and having discreet phone conversations. One day Javed suggested that they meet at his friend’s house. Nadia was reluctant at first but Javed assured her that she had nothing to be afraid of, she can trust him. Her trust in him grew when he kept his word and didn’t try anything she would feel uncomfortable with. They started meeting regularly and every time Javed gained a little more mileage with her. Within a couple of weeks they were making out and Nadia liked how it felt. She liked all the sensations her body felt when she was in his arms and she liked how his lips tasted and every time they parted she wanted more of him. One day Javed extended an invitation to spend the whole night with him. Nadia was certainly tempted but she was also very afraid. Somewhere in the back of her mind she feared the unknown but she was hopelessly in love with this guy and just wanted to live in the moment. She recruited one of her friends to go to her mother and father to ask if Nadia can spend the night at her house. Nadia knew that it was a difficult task as her parents did not allow her to stay away from home for too long, especially at night. After much cajoling by her friend they finally gave in. Nadia carefully packed her overnight bag with scented lotions and a nighty she had bought a few days ago and headed to meet Javed. He picked her up on his bike at a local bus station and they drove off to his friend’s house. The tiny apartment was filled with fresh flowers and lovely romantic lighting. Nadia excused herself and went to the bathroom to change. As she slipped out of her clothes, her heart started beating really fast. Meanwhile, Javed put on some soft music and settled on the bed waiting for her. She stepped out of the bathroom, her eyes planted on the floor as she felt extremely conscious in the semi revealing nighty. When Javed saw her he let out a sigh. She was breathtaking and he just couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He got up from the bed and went close to her, real close. She found his gaze piercing like he could see every detail of her body. He put his arms around her and she laid her head on his muscular chest. They held each other for what seemed like an eternity. Then he lowered his head and kissed her on her forehead and went down inch by inch until he reached her lips. He held himself back but Nadia couldn’t stand it anymore. She raised her lips to his and unleashed the passion. They kissed right there standing until Nadia’s knees felt weak and her legs couldn’t stand her weight anymore. She leaned fully into his body and he led her to the bed. She laid flat on her back and pulled him close to her until his body was directly over her. He fit her perfectly. He removed his shirt and pants as she watched him provocatively. He was so handsome, chiseled to perfection. He found her staring at her and smiled. She looked away. He slipped beside her and reached for her nighty. She hesitated so he turned the light off. Slowly he removed her nighty and she pulled the covers over her all the way to her throat as she had never undressed in front of anyone, not even her own mother, not after she turned ten. Slowly Javed pulled her closer to him and she let all her inhibitions go. He drove inside her and she let out a cry but after a moment, the pain was gone and she started swimming in the deep blue ocean of pleasure.
The next morning she woke up in his arms a completely different person. Now she was a woman who just spent the most glorious night of her life with the man she loved. After that magical night they were always eager to repeat the passion play. Nadia would bunk her college and they would sneak to Javed’s friend’s house where they would drive each other crazy with desire. With every get-together Nadia was getting bolder and more aware of her sexuality but as this seemed like an ideal arrangement for Javed, she was ready to think about her future, their future. Often she would mention that she wanted to marry him and spend the rest of her life with him and he would tell her that they had all the time in the world to think about the future but right now they should just enjoy what they have. His evasive answers started to make Nadia very uncomfortable especially when she was late. She was never late. She confided in one of her friends and they went out and bought a home pregnancy test from a store about an hour away from their home. Nadia was frightened as she peed on the stick. She kept praying that it was negative and this was just an isolated event where she was a few days late but her stars had something else in store for her. When she saw two lines on the stick her worst fear came to life. She sank on the couch, sick to her stomach and unable to breathe.
She called Javed and told him that she needed to see him. He told her to head to his friend’s house and he’ll join her. When he came over Nadia clung to him and began crying hysterically. Javed became worried and tried to calm her down. After a few moments she found enough strength to tell him the truth. He was clearly surprised but he reassured her that there was no reason to panic. He also told her that he’ll talk to his parents that night and send them to her house with a formal proposal of marriage. Nadia was relieved. This is exactly what she expected from Javed. He loved her and he was ready to stand by her. She went home that night and slept peacefully while dreaming of a beautiful life with Javed and their new baby.
Four days passed since she had told Javed but he hadn’t contacted her. This was not unusual because he often had to go out of town for work for weeks at a time but time was not on their side right now because it was slipping away with every breath.
One day while helping her mother in the kitchen she felt nauseated. She ran to the bathroom and Mrs. Qureshi followed her. They say that mothers have a very strong sixth sense and her mother’s sixth sense was telling her that something was terribly wrong. Nadia came out of the bathroom and found her mother standing there. She could sense what was going through her mother’s head and she could not face her. As she headed to her room, Mrs. Qureshi stopped her in her tracks.
“Nadia what is going on?” She asked
“I don’t know, must be something I ate.” Nadia lied
“Look me in the eye and tell me the truth.” She came and stood right in front of Nadia
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nadia tried to fight back tears. She just wanted to buy some time until Javed returned.
“Why did you throw up all of a sudden? Tell me what you have done.” Mrs. Qureshi was not about to let go.
“Mummy…Mummy…” Nadia broke down and embraced her mother tightly.
“Oh my God…Oh my God…Tell me you didn’t do anything wrong. Tell me you didn’t sacrifice our pride and honor. Tell me you didn’t shame us in front of the world. Tell me…Tell me.” She was fiercely shaking Nadia who continued to cry.
“I am sorry mummy, I am so sorry.”
“Who is he? Who is he with whom you have blackened our reputation?”
“Mummy please…Mummy please forgive me…I made a terrible mistake…Please”
“Tell me his name.”
“His name is Javed. I met him six months ago…mummy he loves me…he loves me a lot and he wants to marry me.”
After hearing this Mrs. Qureshi calmed down a bit and sat down on Nadia’s bed. She came up with a strategy where she will meet Javed and talk to him herself. Then she would talk to his parents and they would arrange a very small religious ceremony where they would get married.
Next day Nadia tried to call Javed but his phone number was disconnected. She was confused and dialed the number several times only to hear the same message over and over again. Frustrated she threw her phone and started crying. She didn’t want to believe that Javed may have been a jerk who took advantage of her and when she got pregnant with his child, made a run for it. She wanted to believe that all the things he said to her, all the promises he made to her were sincere and that he truly loved her. She wanted to believe that he wanted this child and a life together as much as she but as days went by she was getting very nervous. She didn’t have another contact number for him. She did not even know where he lived but she knew where his friend lived so one day she went over to the apartment only to find a family with two small kids living there. The woman told her that they moved in a week ago and did not have any information about the previous tenant. Nadia was clearly distraught. It had happened. Javed did turn out to be a complete jerk whose only goal was to have sex with her. Now what? What was she going to do? How was she going to tell her mother that the father of her baby had disappeared in thin air? How was she going to face the world as an unwed mother? What has she done? She was hating herself at this moment for letting a man take advantage of her like that. Surely her parents raised her to know better but Javed broke her resolve and left her to fend for herself. She was never going to forgive him and she was never going to forgive herself.
Mrs. Qureshi was sitting in Nadia’s room with her head in her hands. Nadia had just told her everything and was now sitting across from her crying. Mrs. Qureshi looked up and said,
“Stop crying. Crying won’t solve the problems you have gotten us into.” Her tone was harsh as she was angry at her daughter and also sad for her.
“There is only one solution. We must abort the child.” She said
“No” Nadia shouted and gripped her stomach with both arms protecting her unborn child.
“Nadia don’t be a fool. There is no other way.”
“No..mummy..no…please don’t do this.” Nadia lowered herself on the floor and grabbed her mother’s feet for mercy.
“Nadia we don’t have a choice. You are an unmarried girl and to get pregnant is a sin. If anyone gets a wind of this we will be outcast from the society. People will spit on us. Who will marry you?” Mrs. Qureshi started babbling in an effort to rationalize the situation.
“But mummy no one has to know. I can go away from here. Far away with my baby.” All of a sudden Nadia was talking like a grown woman and not a teenager.
“This is not possible. You will do as I say. I will not let you deprecate us anymore than you already have.”
She left the room leaving Nadia on the floor. When she got to her room Mr.Qureshi was reading his newspaper. He was unaware of all the happenings in his own home and Mrs.Qureshi preferred it that way. She knew that if her husband finds out the truth he is capable of murdering his own daughter in the name of family honor and pride. Nadia will have to do as she says this is the only way she can save the family’s honor and her daughter’s life. She decided to call her only sister and ask her to come and help her with this difficult decision and when her sister reached she did everything in her power to convince Nadia to do as being told. Nadia rebelled but ultimately made the decision to terminate her pregnancy in order to save her and her family’s honor. Her aunt stayed back for another few months because following the abortion Nadia had fallen into severe bout of depression. She had become zombie like and stayed in her room either listening to sad songs or sleeping. Her mom and aunt knew that for Nadia killing the baby was like cutting off a body part but they were also sure that she will heal with time and they were right because Nadia did recover. She picked herself up and joined a vocational class. Her life had become very routine. Every day she went to class, worked on her assignment, came home, helped her mom in the kitchen and went to sleep. She had lost her zest for life and it broke her mother’s heart to see her this way. She desperately prayed for a miracle that would take Nadia out of this ordeal and change her life. Her prayers were answered the day her childhood friend called from Lahore and said that her son was coming to Karachi for a job interview and would be staying with them a few days. Parvez came and instantly fell in love with this beautiful, quiet girl who had certain sadness in her eyes and secrets in her heart. He immediately decided that Nadia was the girl he wanted to marry. Somehow he felt the urge to take all her sorrows away and give her a life full of love and beauty. When Nadia heard about Parvez’s proposal she told her mom that she wanted to tell him the truth about her past but her mom ruled against it. She did not want to lose a guy like Parvez because she was convinced that once he learns the truth, he will not want to have anything to do with Nadia. For days Nadia struggled with the decision because she did not want to start a new life with a lie. She liked Parvez and did not want to keep him in the dark. As her future husband he had every right to know the truth; hence, she wrote everything in a letter and patiently waited for his reply. She was ready to face rejection but to her surprise Parvez’s decision was not altered. They married with all the fanfare and as promised Parvez lived up to all the promises he made and showered so much love on her that she forgot all about the past and became the same fun loving and spirited girl she always was.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
R.I.P. MJ
As I watched the recap of Michael Jackson's memorial on the news I couldn't help but think that he has become bigger than ever in death then he was alive. Michael Jackson was undoubtedly very talented and broke records worldwide but his recent years kept him in the news more for his personal life rather than the amazing music he made.
I remember the first time I saw Thriller, honestly it scared the crap out of me but I couldn't help myself from watching it over and over again. That was my introduction to the phenomenon called Michael Jackson. Although I was never a huge fan, Jackson's music was always around. His songs and dance moves were copied and recopied all around the world. His moonwalk became so popular that every kid wanted to perfect it. He was a legend and there was no argument about it.
Then in the late 90s things changed. He appeared different physically. Tabloids began churning stories about his numerous plastic surgeries and a skin disorder that made his color lighter and lighter. He was criticised and accused for having fondness for children and for inviting them to his house. I always heard and saw these stories with a certain indifference but last week it was revealed that he tried to return to his own childhood by giving underpriviledged children a few moments of joy. He built a massive amusement park so these kids could play for hours without a care in the world. After all that's what a childhood is all about, but for Michael it was different, much different. When other kids were playing with their bikes, Michael was in the recording studio exercising his vocal cords for hours. They blame his father who was extremely ambitious for his sons and when he realized the potential in Michael, he pushed him even harder. I don't know how much truth is in these stories but it all kind of makes sense now. Maybe he was a tortured soul who was looking for genuine love and affection that he never received from his own father. He became a father and a very devoted one indeed. He loved his children immensely and from his daughter's heartfelt speech today, one can conclude that the kids also adored their father.
It is sad to see this superstar gone so soon but I guess when you are sitting on top of the world it kind of gets lonely up there. You seem to leave the people who know you for the person you are behind and acquire a new set of entourage. The difference is that these new so called friends don't have your best interests at heart. They don't know you for you but for what you do and how much money you have. Like Britney and Anna Nicole, Michael Jackson also had many people around him who did whatever he asked them to do as long as he kept their pockets full.
Indeed it is sad and this is my tribute the one and only King of Pop.
I remember the first time I saw Thriller, honestly it scared the crap out of me but I couldn't help myself from watching it over and over again. That was my introduction to the phenomenon called Michael Jackson. Although I was never a huge fan, Jackson's music was always around. His songs and dance moves were copied and recopied all around the world. His moonwalk became so popular that every kid wanted to perfect it. He was a legend and there was no argument about it.
Then in the late 90s things changed. He appeared different physically. Tabloids began churning stories about his numerous plastic surgeries and a skin disorder that made his color lighter and lighter. He was criticised and accused for having fondness for children and for inviting them to his house. I always heard and saw these stories with a certain indifference but last week it was revealed that he tried to return to his own childhood by giving underpriviledged children a few moments of joy. He built a massive amusement park so these kids could play for hours without a care in the world. After all that's what a childhood is all about, but for Michael it was different, much different. When other kids were playing with their bikes, Michael was in the recording studio exercising his vocal cords for hours. They blame his father who was extremely ambitious for his sons and when he realized the potential in Michael, he pushed him even harder. I don't know how much truth is in these stories but it all kind of makes sense now. Maybe he was a tortured soul who was looking for genuine love and affection that he never received from his own father. He became a father and a very devoted one indeed. He loved his children immensely and from his daughter's heartfelt speech today, one can conclude that the kids also adored their father.
It is sad to see this superstar gone so soon but I guess when you are sitting on top of the world it kind of gets lonely up there. You seem to leave the people who know you for the person you are behind and acquire a new set of entourage. The difference is that these new so called friends don't have your best interests at heart. They don't know you for you but for what you do and how much money you have. Like Britney and Anna Nicole, Michael Jackson also had many people around him who did whatever he asked them to do as long as he kept their pockets full.
Indeed it is sad and this is my tribute the one and only King of Pop.
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